I fell down to my bending knees
Saying "I dig farmers, don't shoot me please"
He cocked his rifle and began to shout,
"Are you that travelling salesman that i have heard about?"
I said, "No, no, no, I'm a doctor and it's true
I'm a clean cut kid and I've been to college too."
Well in comes his daughter
whose name was Rita
She looked like she stepped out of A Dolce Vita
I immediate tried to cool it with her dad
And told him what a nice pretty farm he had
He said, "What do doctors know about farms pray tell?"
I said, "I was born at the bottom of a wishing well."
Well by the dirt neath my nails,
I guess he knew I wouldn't lie
He said, "I guess your tired," he said it kinda sly
I said, "Yes ten thousand miles today I drove."
He said, "I got a bed for you underneath the stove
Just one condition you can go to sleep right now
that you don't touch my daughter and in the morning milk the cows."
I was sleeping like a rat when
I heard something jerkin'
There stood Rita looking just like Tony Perkins
She said, "Would you like to take a shower? I'll show you up to the door."
I said, "Oh, no, no, I've been through this movie before."
I knew I had to split, but I did not know how
When she said, "Would you like to take that shower now?"
Well I couldn't leave unless
the old man chased me out
'Cause I'd already promised that I'd milk his cows
I had to say something to strike him very weird
So I yelled, "I like Fidel Castro and his beard!"
Rita looked offended, but she got out of the way
As he came charging down the stairs saying, "What's that I heard you say?"
"I said I like Fidel Castro,
I think you heard me right."
Then I ducked as he swung at me with all his might
Rita mumbled something 'bout her mother on the hill
As his fist hit it the icebox he said he was gonna kill
Me if I don't get out the door in two seconds flat
"You unpatriotic rotten doctor commie rat."
Well he threw a Reader's Digest
at my head and I did run
I did a somersault as I seen him get his gun
And crashed through the window at a hundred miles an hour
And landed fully glassed in his garden flowers
Rita said, "Come back," and he started to load
The sun was coming up and was running down the road
Well I don't figure I'll be
back there for a spell
Even though Rita moved away and got a job at a motel
He still waits for me constant on the sly
He wants to turn me in to the F.B.I.
Me I romp and stomping, thankful as I romp
Without freedom of speech, I might be in the swamp.