Railroad Bill - Andy Breckman

    Railroad Bill was a hard-living man
    He used to take his women two at a time
    Everyone agreed he was the baddest engineer
    That had ever driven down the Santa Fe line

    His name was known from the folks back home
    To the tipee-top of Telegraph Hill
    And all the little boys when they were sneakin' cigarettes
    They used to dream about the Railroad Bill

    Oh one day Bill was walkin' along
    And he saw a kitten stuck in a tree
    When he saw what was the matter he ran to get a ladder
    To set that kittycat free

    And Bill said, "No, ain't gonna do it
    Ain't gonna climb up no tree
    This is a stupid stupid song and no folksinger's
    Gonna make a fool out of me"

    I said one day Bill was walkin' along
    And he saw a kitten stuck in a tree
    When he saw what was the matter he ran to get a ladder
    To set that kittycat free

    And Bill said, "No, ain't gonna do it
    Ain't gonna do what you said
    This is a stupid stupid song
    And as far as I'm concerned
    That cat can stay there till it's dead"

    I said, "Wait a minute Bill
    You can't argue with me
    For God's sake I just made you up
    I got the pen in my hand
    I want you up in that tree
    I want that cat unstuck"

    Bill said, "No, I hate cats
    Ain't gonna climb for no cat"
    He said, "Why don't you have me save
    some beautiful girl
    Who'd been tied down on a railroad track"

    I said, "Maybe there'll be room in the eighth or ninth verse
    But right now I want you up in that tree
    I'm the writer goddamn, I got the pen in my hand
    And you're supposed to listen to me"

    He said, "Why should I listen to you?
    You should be listenin' to me instead"
    He said, "I'm a railroad man and if I was real
    I would separate your face from your head"

    "You ungrateful brute," I cried
    "You pushed me too far
    I gotta show you I can do as I please"
    So an earthquake came and it shook the whole terrain
    And it brought Railroad Bill to his knees

    And then a tidal wave broke and everythinq got soaked
    And Bill was almost completely washed away
    Then a big green monster from the planet Neptune
    Landed and bit Railroad Bill on the leg

    I got the pen in my hand can do what I want
    I'm a bright new young talent on the rise ,
    So get your ass up that tree or I swear you ain't
    Gonna get out of my folk song alive

    He said, "You don't scare me
    You might be funny but you don't scare me
    And if you don't leave me alone
    I'm gonna tell everybody
    Where you stole this melody"

    But before he could speak his tongue fell out
    And he could not make a sound
    Suddenly he Jumped on top of me
    And he grabbed me by my neck
    And he pulled me to the ground

    And he hit me in the stomach
    And he hit me in the face real hard
    And I think he almost broke my nose
    But just then a lightning bolt came out of nowhere
    Hit him right between the eyes
    And killed him instantly

    The cat came down from the tree
    Had a bowl of warm milk, went to sleep for the night
    Railroad Bill is survived
    By a wife and three small children

    Dear hod, I love to write

    1984 by Andy Breckman
    Disk

    Marco Giunco
    Work Basket Music Words