Herpes - Bob McGrath

I've had yellow stains in my underdrawers

and pain when I urinate and chancre sores.

I've had second stage syph, and trouble gettin stiff;

I've had N.S.U. and testicles of blue.

And I've had the crabs and hemorrhoids too, but

I'm overjoyed to say this to you.

[Chorus]
I've never had herpes, hip hip hooray
I've never had herpes, oh happy day
I've never had herpes, I hope I never do
Cause herpes is forever,
They never leave you

Now they've got penicillin if you've got V.D., and if you can't get an erection they've got therapy.
And if your scrotum's like a balloon that won't deflate, you can always get a doctor to message your prostate.
And there's ointments for your piles and cream for your crabs, but they're still searchin for a cure for herpes in the labs.
But who cares? Cause...

[Repeat Chorus]

Now I had my penis caught in the zipper of my pants, and then it got infected so I had to have it lanced, and then they had to sew it but first they had to grow it so I wouldn't pop the stitches when I made romance.
But time heals all wounds so now it's okay, but time can't heal the herpes so I'm glad to say...
Chorus

So don't kiss your uncles and don't kiss your aunts and if you're not with the one you love, keep it in your pants.
'Cause herpes is forever, so you better behave or else you still might have herpes when you're buried in your grave.
Two, three, four, everybody sing...

Chorus
I've never had herpes, and I hope I never will, cause it ever had herpes, I'd have herpes still.

Disk