I want to earn my credentials
Where learning's stripped to its essentials
And homework can be oh so gay
I know my heart will be beating
When your psych class takes up cheating
I'm gonna love a prof who'll say...

[Chorus]

Don't bring me an apple, Eve
I'll just pluck a peach
'Cause my sweet tooth
Craves the naked truth
When I teach at Long Beach

Oh send me back to college Let me study carnal knowledge
I'm gonna follow Dr. Barry's course outline
And if I flunk the work on morals
I'll have to retake all my orals
But the math's easy, just add six and nine...

(The anser is 18 and over)

No silly pany raids for me
We've gone back to A-B-C
Study hard, you're sure to get ahead
Last night's homework was divine
I'm glad I got it in on time
I don't mind the cramming late in bed...

I was pulling an "A" in napping
Knew the sound of one tongue lapping
When Barry resigned hurriedly on day
Now if coeds give its gratis
Since he gave up his pro status
But I'll still sing his praises anyway...

[Repeat Chorus]

No, don't be hard on Barry
He was only making merry
Down at old Long Beach...

Seriously folks, California State
Long Beach is a great school...
And there's plenty of student parking...

Barry would greet you with a howdy
You could graduate cum laude
Down at old Long Beach...

Oh. Barry...I'm coming...Barry...Barry...Barry!
Oh, Barry, I've matriculated!

© 1983 Sherwood Ross

*The story of the California State University (Long Beach) psychology professor who allegedly assigned extramarital sex and gay sex for homework made national headlines last year. The professor was accused of, among other things, having too much of that "personal touch" for sane students. Sherwood Ross turned the story of Professor Barry's psychology of sex class into a song. At press time, Professor Barry was suing the University.