So we told a little lie asked him why don't he try
Some of our Spanish fly for the horn it gives
Johnny swallowed the above like a dove so in love
What he thought would help him shove was a chocolate laxative

To a house of ill repute we did scoot for some poot
Told Johnny that his root would be king for a day
Then Johnny asked a girl for the whirl of her pearl
Guaranteed her hair would curl--if these gentlemen would pay

Well we grumbled quite a lot for the spot it was hot
But liking it or not we said yes if we could watch
No sooner said than done Johnny's fun was begun
As he yummed her honey bun with a firebrand crotch

Then Johnny shot a moon the buffoon played a tune
The burstling of balloons from his buttocks was fired
The flurry of his farts were an art they did part
With such grace and heart his timing was inspired

He played some melodies farting free as can be
"The Flight of the Bumblebee" and Gershwin's "Summertime"
There was nothing to compare to the air we did bear
When he began to tear "Reveille" in double time

We nearly died of gas from his ass he did pass
But saved his best for last--we were all shit-faced
Thank heavens for the end of the lend of his wind
Though nothing could amend the damage to our taste

But our sigh of relief it was brief as a thief
For soon it turned to grief when Johnny lit a match
The eruption did begin peeled the skin off our chins
If there ever was a sin--Johnny wasn't even scratched

We began to curse and swear tear our hair in despair
And to finish the affair called Macaroon a ham
And that we must insist he desist of his blist
Or with collective fists we'd put a cork to his dam

But we forgot the whore she did roar an encore
That she'd never felt before a volcano erupt
And let there be no doubt we ran out in a rout
For we heard our Johnny shout he was just warming up

You should have seen our feet hit the street in retreat
Our hearts skipped a beat when a bus backfired
We were victims of a sting we did bring in the spring
And we couldn't find a thing in our joke to be admired

© 1983 David Massengill
David Massengill Music