O in this life I've had no fun
I've had no gun to bang the bun
With a hey tooter shooter
High dangler banger
Hey tooter high banger boo

I have no ding to dong the queen
I have no use for the latrine
With a hey zipper dipper
High zapper dapper
Hey zipper high dapper doo

O as a lover I am a flop
I've never heard a cherry pop
With a hey piggy squealer
High fanny squasher
Hey piggy high squasheroo

The Queen is hot but I am not
For long ago my wad was shot
With a hey blapper nipper
High blapper whapper
Hey blipper high whapper woo

The clocks go tick the bells go bong
I'd give my arm for an eight-inch wong
With a hey wonger bonger
High wanger banger
Hey wonger high bangeroo

I am a sexless shepherd bred
I'll never prod where others tread
With a hey gooser moocher
High gander masher
Hey gooser high masher coo

O all the plums of Italy
Will never peel their bush for me
With a hey beaver basher
High pubic poacher
Hey beaver high poacher chew

My feet are flat and not only that
I've got no balls to beat the bat
With a hey weener peeler
High tater nailer
Hey weener high nailer blue

The dames go chit the dames go chat
I cannot wipe their welcome mats
With a hey weezer squeezer
High asser splasher
Hey weezer high splasher poo

John Dillinger had a twelve inch prick
It's fellers like him who make me sick
With a hey super drooper
High party pooper
Hey super high pooperoo

The time has come to bid good riddance
Til the eunuch makes his next appearance
With a hey fuck you
High fuck you
--And I mean that with all my heart...on--
Fuck you and your big whalzoo