I Shot Jack LaLane - Eric Frandsen

    I'll take the blame but I'm not ashamed
    People, I would do it all over again
    Because I put an end to the pain
    When I shot Jack La Lane

    I went down to S.K. Roze and I bought myself some wheels
    But before I left I punched holes in the gas tanks of several of their automobiles
    Hanents later, smoke and flames were all that could be seen
    Thanks to that old Cigarette-in-the-matchbook trick from "Stalag 17"

    I was driving around Brooklyn in my brand new car, and what do you think I seen
    I seen Bill Fugayzee shtuppin' Mrs. Potemkin
    In the backseat of a rented limousine
    I forced that car off the B.Q.E. (another problem solved)
    They fell into the Gowanus Canal, where they drowned and then dissolved

    "Don't shoot -I'm only an actor!" were the last words Crazy Eddy said
    My specially-rewired home electrical appliance szpped Joe Lombardy the Inflation Fighter dead
    I took Frank Perdoo to Chinatown for a cyanide Peking Duck
    I ran Beefsteak Charley through my La Machine -now they call him Boneless Chuck

    Barney Miller and Kojak can't prove what they know well:
    That my nitroglycerine "Fudgy the Whale" was the end of Tan Carvell
    That I was the one put the cobra into Bruce Jehner's warm up jacket
    That I gave Gloria Vanderbuildt a hormone shot -now she talks like Buddy Hackett

    © 1982 by Erik Frandsen


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